he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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