You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
