i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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