yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
