can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
