community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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