I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
