just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
