she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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