If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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