my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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