Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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