Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
