My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
