Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
