She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
