he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
