and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
