we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
