I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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