I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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