Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
