you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
