i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We need to get me chipped asap
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
