i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
