I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
