Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
