I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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