I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
as a side note pls kill me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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