I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
