you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
