The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
