he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
