he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
