Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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