Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
