I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The power of my boobs compel you
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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