Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think people are normalizing furries
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
