I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
