there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
