oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You are the jesus of drinking
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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