i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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