Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
