Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
