Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
