Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
