i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
