Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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