she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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