atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
