I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
